Delusion 007 - Fall from Innocence

Sorry guys. The sudden need to upload my 'Random pictures taken using cellphone' folder has overridden all reason right now. This one is entitled 'Fall from Innocence' which I got from one of Stephen King's mini-novels (the third in his Four Seasons, I think). It's in UP, and is actually the stairs leading to our tambayan, with the unusually high first step and wooden handrail. I think I was still around when this was next to nothing...a ruined mockery of some stairs, some two to four years ago.

Which leads us to the obligatory rant.

I think that the fall from innocence is the one when you realize that there's no going back to that feeling of carefree living. I don't even know if that's the proper term...'carefree living', but it is the period where you're not worrying over what you'll look like or what are you going to do with your life or whatever. When every day is yours to do as you want with it. And sometimes, that just means nothing at all.

Maybe that's when people grow up and start acting their age. I should know. I made a deal with myself long ago: to grow old but try to not grow up.

P.S. - Original deal was to grow old but not grow up, but even I can't do that. Damn you, society!

Delusion 006 - Goodbye Heart

Picture unrelated. I took this one at the Sulo Hotel , somewhere in UP Village. Around December, so I think that explains the lights. I was waiting for my sister, she was inside the hotel for a series of dental seminars on orthodontics. My class ended early. It was a free taxi ride home, so why not? I guess it does look better on the phone. Hehe!

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Drama semi-related. I always knew it would happen and now that it did I don't really know what to feel. I don't think I'm that sad. I know I'm not happy. I'm not even angry and I'm being so sincere right now (+100 points if you get the reference). If ever there was a time that emotional apathy comes into play, it comes into play now. Emotional apathy.

I guess the thing the only sentence that can quantify this feeling is: 'The state of knowing that they don't care as much as you do'.

If anybody define that using a single word, let me know.

Delsuion 005 - Grassbench Confessional

I'll share with you a secret. Okay, three secrets. One is I'm doing this at 3:30 in the morning and I have a class five hours from now. The other secret is that the place in this picture probably saved me from a whole lot of despair. It's in UP Diliman. I think that a tour of the Academic Oval will reveal the revered location of this place.

I decided to name it after a popular band. The lead singer, Chris Carraba, used the dashboard of his car as a confessional whenever he was on his way home. It's not that hard. Google it.

I think I first used this place sometime when I had my last class for the day and decided to spend a little alone time. Sitting there on the bench, all I can see was grass. A slope. A dead tree. The sky. I started to talk, and I think something there listened. So I talked more. Call me crazy. I really don't care. It's cheap therapy and I get to think on and solve my problems. It helped a lot when all I really needed was someone to talk to, when all I want is someone to listen. Someone who I can argue with and hopefully make sense of this twisted and mad mind (Yes, I do have a mind and it is mad. The Jay you see today is the product of refined restraint. People tend to like me better when I don't try to paint the sky purple.)

And the last secret? I think I'll be learning about the most important lesson of all this year. I hope I remember to take down notes.