Serial Delusion

Run Fat Boy Run

2008-10-12T17:57:00.002+08:00

50:30 - 51:04.
Because I thought that spoiling your day was better than ruining your life.

Abril at Mayo

2008-08-02T23:39:00.002+08:00

What is it about May and April that makes people want to go to cool places? Ah, yeah. The god-forsaken heat. Well, in any case, my cousin was married in Baguio one weekend. Smart move, really. All my wedding experiences usually involve hot barongs, hotter churches and even hotter bridesmaids. I'll leave it to you to sort that one out. In any case, congratulations Ate Edelyn! And yes, more peanut brittle is always a good thing.

But here's the catch: I didn't go to the wedding. Instead, I was stuck here for one weekend. I had to feed my sister's dogs, take care of my grandmother and give the workmen (my sister is currently building her house right next to ours) their salary for the week. Oh...and watch the house too. It may sound chore-y (and sorry) but it was about two days of silence. Silence because with my two nieces and two nephews (all between the ages of 3 and 10) out with my sisters and their husbands to Baguio. You'll understand if you have four kids in the house.

And yeah, they took the only Nokia phone charger.

So, what else happened? My laptop's adapter broke down. I had to wait until this May's 27th to get a replacement. That means I had to rush the comic preparation for the survival kit. But I still think it's going to be OK. (READ: Execom, Kithead, don't worry! and EDIT: Toldja!)

The old high school batch had a swimming/drinking party. It was that weekend with the storm. Oh yeah, this was after my Uncle's renewal of vows. The reception was held in Kamay-kainan, near the old Mahinhin boarding house. After that, we hung around the condo. All the while, I was thinking that we'd go straight home but my sisters had another idea. So I went home to Cavite by myself. Back to the swimming party. Generoso is a traitor. I didn't throw up, but it was really, really close. Bread really helps. A bit. Jorn advised me about matters of the heart. I think I really needed someone else to tell me what I think I already know, deep in this heart.

The morning after, only seven of the original people who showed up talked and shot the stuff. We also changed a car tire and had lunch at McDonalds and then home.

Two months of OJT, two months of really cool 5 o' clock sunsets. I learned a few things, met a few new people. That was my April and May. No regrets.

Tagged?

2008-05-08T15:12:00.002+08:00

The rules:

1. Each starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
2. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

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Random facts?

1.) I read a lot. Even in the bathroom. If I'm going somewhere where I know I'm going to do some waiting, I'd probably bring a book with me. And something electronic in case I get bored.

2.) OC ako sa laptop ko. Filenames, folders, directories...you name it. Or rather, I name it. I hate improperly named files and folders. Lalo na sa songs. Pero minsan if I'm rushing things, I'd name them using numbers but I'll probably rename them again later.

3.) I hate wrong grammar and spelling and punctuation and capitalization and... Should I continue? I know I'm not perfect but when I know something is wrong, I correct it as soon as possible. Tsaka people! If you're using a keyboard, don't type things like you're texting (omg, lyk...i h8 dis kind of riting. wat is rong wit u?)! MY GOD, PLEASE!

4.) As a consequence of #2, I am an RPG fan. RPGs are video games that play like books. Maybe that's why I like them. They're also games that you have to spend a lot of time with. It feels like you're actually doing something than just pressing buttons. But don't get me wrong! I still love playing fighting games or action games once in a while.

5.) I hate bitter food. I even tried to force myself to like it, but even I won't let myself. It's just so...BITTER!

6.) I am afraid of cockroaches. I don't know why and don't go Freudian on me!

7.) I hate local TV. Prime time? I'd rather turn of the tube or play games. Except for some shows. Emphasis on 'some'.

Around this time, nag-habits na si Earl so...

8.) I can sleep with the lights on, but I prefer them turned off. Dunno why. I think that is the generally accepted thing.

9.) I walk slowly. Or try to. When I find myself walking fast, I slow down. When I'm late for class, it depends on the teacher and the time. If the teacher is OK with being late, I slow down. If not, I proceed with my speed.

10.) I still play Kingdom of Loathing. It's a browser game, kind of an RPG. I find it hard to explain it but it's fun! And also, it's my daily habit. Check me out in-game: Kawamura.

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From Multiply actually. And I'm in a writing mood. Bakit puro hate ito? Is there not something that I love?! Para mas madali, I'll just tag some people that Earl did. Para share na lang sa pag-tag! Tsaka yung 07O. Tinatamad ako mag-comment. Bahala na! Nyahahaha!

I tag:

Earl, Issang, Nina, Kx, Chad, Jore, Gigil, Hazel, Mykel, Janell, Ping.

Naoki Urusawa's Monster

2008-04-27T17:04:00.006+08:00

Picture also from the Wiki.

Ah! I have just rediscovered something that I really, really like. It's Monster by Naoki Urusawa. Search your favorite manga or anime video site for this one. I started reading this manga about two years ago. It reads like a more twisted Stephen King novel.

As for the plot overview (as taken from the Wiki because I'm mostly lazy):

"The series follows Dr. Kenzo Tenma (天馬賢三, Tenma Kenzo) as he pursues a young psychopath/sociopath named Johan, whose life Tenma once saved. The story rapidly progresses through a number of locations: it starts in Düsseldorf, Germany, passes through Berlin, Frankfurt, Munich, Wiesbaden, cities in the Czech Republic such as Prague, and other cities and villages."

Eh. It's not really a tour or so. You get to follow Tenma around as he tries to find out who Johan really is. Along the way he'll meet Johan's sister and other interesting people. And that in itself is the adventure. Or the horror. Whatever you like.

It starts a bit slow, but once you get to the fifth episode or so, you'll be most likely begging for the videos to load up faster. Just a heads up if you're currently trying to find something new to watch.

Delusion_009 - Everything should be

2008-04-25T19:15:00.002+08:00

This picture was taken while waiting for my goddamn plane in Charles de Gaulle airport. It was mostly OK...it was mostly cold, lonely and boring. I arrived there at about 0600 and my flight was at 2300. Next day. Fortunately, I had my DS, one thick book and the Shuffle to keep me company. Oh, and some PS3's that were on display. Limited to demo games but still. It's so hatefully beautiful. Emphasis on 'hatefully'.

The title? It's missing 'free'. I just saw the sky. After that long night and still waiting for my plane, the dark sky lightened up until it became that. It was perfectly blue and calm against the airport windows. It's also one of my favorite subjects to capture on camera.

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I'm in my third week of the required Summer Plant Practice right here in the Failure Analysis Department in Maxim, Cavite. It's about two rides from home (three if you count the tricycle to the jeep terminal) and one long walk from Gateway's gate 2. I can't really say it's fun because it's work...but it is fulfilling to use something you've learned - Mat E 173, 105, 125 and all that. Once you get past your noobish questions and re-orientations, that is. I think I've made a few friends, at least I don't eat lunch alone anymore.

The first week was actually for orientation and observations, the second week for preliminary training. I've already done mounting and cross-sectioning, and now I'm trying out the SEM and EDX. My 'training menu' says that by the last half of May, I should know how to handle my own FAR (Failure Analysis Report). Very scary and exciting, that one. I hope they give me an easy one.

After my first day, I just wanted to lie down. I think that I've adjusted since I'm still awake at 2200. Downside is that I'm now running late during mornings. Also, the afternoon sky when I'm going home seems to help. Look up at a patch of open sky at exactly 1700 and you'll see what I mean. It's like 'being with the people that I want to be with the most'. There is no word to explain that, so there.

Oh, Zero II's AC Adapter is on the fritz. Had to order from Dell, so I'm using my old laptop for the Potatochop stuff. And...The World Ends With You - best DS game, since ever! The wiki won't do it justice. You have to play it to believe it. So there, things that I've been up to until the 07 Omega's FR. Let's see if I can make it to the 8th week.

Delsuion 00X - Isko II

2008-03-03T13:16:00.000+08:00

Second comic for the org's Freshmen Survival Kit. Isko I was a rushed venture with no plot whatsoever, but still, rough as it was, it was a start.

I started this while I was minding my sister's bookstore in Cavite. The first draft was drawn at the back part of her transaction book. I don't think the plot makes sense but one thing I did learn is that making comics = hard work. The story has to be coherent and funny...the characters have to be consistent when drawn (something I fail at...just look at them!). And let's not talk about my drawing. I don't even know how to shade faces properly!

I started drawing (now that I think about it) somewhere around Grade 1. I also received my first comic book around that time (X-Men, Storm and the Shadow King. Anyone remember?) and I had my sister draw the cover in one notebook. It was my first doodling notebook, which by now should be in one drawer at home or burned in some pit somewhere else. In that notebook, I drew my first characters: tiny stick heroes that have elemental powers or something, fighting it out in a landscape I also created. I wish I could've saved that one. By my second grade, these sticks became people whose structures were heavily influenced by Combatron from Funny Komiks and the Robot Masters from Megaman games. I remember I had a clipboard full of pages where I put all these ideas for new enemies, new powers and histories. I wish I could've saved those too. I could've used a good laugh.

Through drawing, I think I learned those hidden rules you make up as you go along. How a face is long or round, how a stroke can make a picture smile or frown. And then I just look at those characters I made. You'd think after some years I would've improved or something. But one thing I know: like singing, I draw for fun.

Delusion 008 - Sa Mahinhin

2008-02-26T00:35:00.002+08:00

And this is No. 1 Mahinhin. The view here is from the 'living room', where the TV is situated. Or was. During the last months of my stay here, I guess the only thing below were tables for our laptops. That place behind the stairs was our kitchen. I spent at least three years here, almost half of my college life. My old roomies from #30 Matiwasay talked about moving, mainly because our old boarding house felt too constricting and was renovating. We wanted somewhere else to stay, somewhere more free, where no old snoopy landlady could disturb us. We planned it for months and then we did see one empty house while walking home, when we almost gave up. Not too far from Matiwasay. It was in Mahinhin, and in here I learned more.

So it was me, Gino, Renz and Paolo. You guys...I'm sorry if I lost touch. It's a bad habit of mine. The first time we moved, the house didn't really feel like a house. We all had beds (and by beds we mean mattresses on the floor). We assembled our dressers, put up our utensils, folded the clothes. Set-up our laptops. I saw how the light is like entering my room when I wake up and I have no classes for the day. I felt the damn cold water when I'm just about late for class. This house where I stumbled and slumbered into, after a day of gaming and school and friends and applying for the best damn organization in Engineering and thesis-making and friends and most importantly love. In this house I learned how to enter locked rooms from weird places. In this house I took baths standing on a small hump because the drain was clogged by god-knows-what. In this house I learned more about life than I could ever have in a classroom.

In this house I learned what it was that makes a place a home. It is the memories that you leave in it. #1 Mahinhin, I'll miss you something fierce.

Delusion 007 - Fall from Innocence

2008-01-16T15:58:00.000+08:00

Sorry guys. The sudden need to upload my 'Random pictures taken using cellphone' folder has overridden all reason right now. This one is entitled 'Fall from Innocence' which I got from one of Stephen King's mini-novels (the third in his Four Seasons, I think). It's in UP, and is actually the stairs leading to our tambayan, with the unusually high first step and wooden handrail. I think I was still around when this was next to nothing...a ruined mockery of some stairs, some two to four years ago.

Which leads us to the obligatory rant.

I think that the fall from innocence is the one when you realize that there's no going back to that feeling of carefree living. I don't even know if that's the proper term...'carefree living', but it is the period where you're not worrying over what you'll look like or what are you going to do with your life or whatever. When every day is yours to do as you want with it. And sometimes, that just means nothing at all.

Maybe that's when people grow up and start acting their age. I should know. I made a deal with myself long ago: to grow old but try to not grow up.

P.S. - Original deal was to grow old but not grow up, but even I can't do that. Damn you, society!

Delusion 006 - Goodbye Heart

2008-01-15T22:43:00.000+08:00

Picture unrelated. I took this one at the Sulo Hotel , somewhere in UP Village. Around December, so I think that explains the lights. I was waiting for my sister, she was inside the hotel for a series of dental seminars on orthodontics. My class ended early. It was a free taxi ride home, so why not? I guess it does look better on the phone. Hehe!

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Drama semi-related. I always knew it would happen and now that it did I don't really know what to feel. I don't think I'm that sad. I know I'm not happy. I'm not even angry and I'm being so sincere right now (+100 points if you get the reference). If ever there was a time that emotional apathy comes into play, it comes into play now. Emotional apathy.

I guess the thing the only sentence that can quantify this feeling is: 'The state of knowing that they don't care as much as you do'.

If anybody define that using a single word, let me know.

Delsuion 005 - Grassbench Confessional

2008-01-14T03:14:00.000+08:00

I'll share with you a secret. Okay, three secrets. One is I'm doing this at 3:30 in the morning and I have a class five hours from now. The other secret is that the place in this picture probably saved me from a whole lot of despair. It's in UP Diliman. I think that a tour of the Academic Oval will reveal the revered location of this place.

I decided to name it after a popular band. The lead singer, Chris Carraba, used the dashboard of his car as a confessional whenever he was on his way home. It's not that hard. Google it.

I think I first used this place sometime when I had my last class for the day and decided to spend a little alone time. Sitting there on the bench, all I can see was grass. A slope. A dead tree. The sky. I started to talk, and I think something there listened. So I talked more. Call me crazy. I really don't care. It's cheap therapy and I get to think on and solve my problems. It helped a lot when all I really needed was someone to talk to, when all I want is someone to listen. Someone who I can argue with and hopefully make sense of this twisted and mad mind (Yes, I do have a mind and it is mad. The Jay you see today is the product of refined restraint. People tend to like me better when I don't try to paint the sky purple.)

And the last secret? I think I'll be learning about the most important lesson of all this year. I hope I remember to take down notes.

Two Thousand and Seven

2007-12-24T22:12:00.000+08:00

(Witty/Nonsensical picture to follow.)

Well, firstly...I'm too limited by the phone's character capacity. And second of all, I really don't know how much this will cost when I send it to you. (Read: my sister is going to kill me when she gets my phone bill.)

So here I am, five days till the end of the year and five days till the year begins. I try and look back from January 2007. Forgive the memories. I need it more than anyone else, I guess. The second semester has just restarted and we were shit-deep into Chemistry and ES 21 and all that. But the fun thing was I was shit-deep in it with friends. Gail, Jayce, Shel and Tadz: that was probably the most fun and most memorable semester I will ever have.

And also, that summer semester after was the best since those legendary epic summers which I spent in my late grandmother's house in Zambales. I never told you that, and I guess I never did properly thank you enough, Tadz.

And the start of the storm. Here we go. I already told some of you about this semester, it was in all of my sour and happy moods, in all of my messages that sometimes did not make sense, in every bottle that I tried to drown it in. At the heart of it was: I fell in love with the wrong person at the wrong time. I'm not going to explain it anymore. It is over, as far as I can tell. And it will never (can never) happen again. What is important is that I learned, and I learned it the hard way. And also, I discovered I had more friends than I thought I had. Thank you Issang, Adona, Melai, Noy, Niña and Chad. And Juts and Honey: you were the ones I should have told first. Sorry about that. This by far, is the weirdest and most emotionally draining semester, ever. But also the semester of learning.

And...the end of the storm. Five days from now, a fresh start. Just what I need. I hope that we'll all spend the rest of the semester like there is no tomorrow.

PS: Everyone else not here, you're in my heart. I just didn't say it. These people were probably louder. >:3

Cavite Blues (and Reds and Greens)

2007-12-23T19:43:00.000+08:00

We're back in Cavite, with much thanks to our sisters. Sinundo nila kami. Whee!

Semi-short blog entries:

-The 'rents and JV are in Boston, visiting my father's former Boss and friend. See picture: Mom and JV in SNOW! Kainggit! They've ordered the laptop, and yes...I'll say it again. I can't wait for 2008.

-So, back in Cavite. I promised myself I'd do something for the 11-day break that was given to us, so I guess it's time to learn Flash. It's kind of hard since I'm kinda torn between the guitar, the PS2, the TV, eating, reading or sleeping. Hehe!

-When Christmas rolls around, my elder sister and her family is going to Cainta to spend the rest of the season there. So it will be just me, Gayle, my other sister and her family here. So it's going to be a little quieter. We'll all be here for the new year, except the 'rents and JV so I guess it's OK.

-I missed the HS batch Christmas party! Andami ko nang utang senyo! Di kasi ako na-text. Huhuhu!

-FFX, Blitzball, level grinding. Enough talk!

Laptops and Life

2007-12-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

I remember when I bought Zero. And why I bought him. My father promised me a laptop once I graduate from High School. Now, three years later and at least four reformats, one screen hinge repair and one replaced hard disk drive and a RAM upgrade, I'm looking at Zero's younger (and newer) step-brother, Dell Inspiron 1520. I dunno if that link will work, but you can view the configuration details I've chosen for Zero MK-2 there. All I can say is that I'm waiting eagerly for next year. He's due January 5. Muhahaha!

Moving on, what have I been doing? Enrollment came and has gone. I experienced sleep-destroying leg pain about a week into the semester and I don't know why. I didn't get ES 26 this semester because of scheduling constraints and general laziness, and speaking of general laziness...I guess I'm doing a lot of nothing lately.

We had a few memorable reports and report-making sessions in the condo, along with internet disconnection issues and the arrival of a requested PS2. Also, an org open forum which did a lot of good (I think...), Ox sa Binalot lunches and dinners because of the bazaars that sprouted up along the Academic Oval, Smoker's Night issues and Engg Week Lantern Parades, the Christmas Party of unrivaled (adjective). You decide. Special thanks to Madz, because she bought what I wished for. I love you forever, Madz!

Some batchmates spent the night here in the condo, just last night. More on the batch, sometime when I feel like it. Event-wise, that's all that happened. Mind-wise, I'm learning how to play the guitar with Tadz and Noy as my mentors and I might try and learn to drive. Game-wise, catching up on the PS2 RPGs with FFX at the moment, also trying out the Crimbo content in KoL. Heart-wise, I'm trying to stop something from starting and trying to draw again. Heh!

Oh, and yeah it's Christmas! So Merry Christmas!

The Brazil Break (Edited)

2007-11-03T02:57:00.000+08:00

EDIT: In a writing mood. So there.

See: Multiply Page for more picture-y details of the places and events.

So here I am again in Brazil after some 3X hours of boring alone-ness. Weirdly enough, no jet lag. I guess it just takes some getting used to, after all. Also, I found out that Brazil is the antipode of the Philippines. Go figure. As always, the drive from the Rio airport to house in Macae will be too long. We always eat at the Oasis Graal, a sort of rest stop in between. There's this big shell decor in the middle of the hall there, where you can listen to special holes. According to rest stop legend, the hole where the sound is the loudest holds your future. Or some of it. The holes are labeled (in Portuguese) love, happiness, hope and all that. Kind of corny actually. But when we got there the big shell was being renovated. Or removed. I don't know. I wanted to hear from one hole there. I ate heartily: eggs, sausages and bread because Air France's breakfasts are not breakfasts at all. We got to the house a few hours later. After a bath, I think I just slept the whole afternoon the moment that I got here. The next morning, my Mom and I took a bus ride to her gym. The bus ride was intense, really! It felt like the driver was in an F1 race. It was also cool in a way. Entrances are located at the back, and an operator also takes your bus fare and lets you pass the rotating metal door. When we got there, I took some pictures of the beach near where my Mom worked out. Yeah, she works out. The women in my family...I think they have some hidden contest of being the slimmest. Heh!

I spent a few days just being at home. Chad texted if I was unwinding and I replied that I was superunwinding. The weekend after my arrival, my Dad participated in his bi-annual golf tourney. We also strolled down Buzios. We just sat at the golf area's lobby where barbecued stuff was being served regularly. I read through a half of a book, played some DS, ate some barbecue. After the tourney, we stayed at this hotel: the Brava Club. Quite nice actually. After the golfing, mom and dad attended some party. Golf for the men, the party is the consolation for the women (I think.).

Directly after that, Dad and I went to Vitoria. (Also, two days of no cellphone. Sorry!) Check it out on a map. Macae to Vitoria is a four hour drive. I think I got my fill of the Brazilian countryside for a whole lifetime, and now I can understand why a cross-country trip is a big event. We stayed in Vitoria for two days. I stayed mostly at the hotel and my Dad did his work at auditing ships at some port near there. One lunch, I ordered Fettuccine and he ordered Jumbo Shrimp. I couldn't finish the HUGE pasta serving and Dad was disappointed because the shrimps were...well, shrimps. Small shrimps. We're still laughing about that order! The drive home, we talked a lot too. He also told me about driving signals and overtaking. Hehehe!

I promised myself I would go out more, I guess I really should be careful what I'm wishing for. Six more days and I'll be home again. I just hope the journey back will be a smooth one.

Delsuion 004 - On the road

2007-09-30T20:03:00.001+08:00

Nope, that's not Hitler! That's actually my father. My phone was still the bulky N3650 and I took this picture to get the sunset behind him. I could have asked him to stop the car but we were in a hurry for some reason. He invited me to go back to Zambales...to his hometown. It was just us guys. We talked about everything: school, girls, the future. We sang along the music that we knew on the radio. I grew up in his house, his music was mine too. Yep, even Kenny Rogers.

My dad? All I really remembered was that he was home for one month every year. I'm not saying that he is a bad father. The necessity of the situation is understandable and I think that people with parents abroad know this one very well. He always made up for the time he knew that he couldn't spend with us so he always brought home everything we wanted whenever he arrives. Chocolates, toys and stuff but I guess he didn't know that what we (or I, I guess) really wanted was just him to complete the family.

I didn't really know much about my father before that trip, but as we talked I think I saw him in a new light. I heard about his misadventures when he was a boy. I heard about how he grew up with his siblings. I asked him if I could treat him like my best friend and he agreed. I knew him then, my father.

Delusion_003 - Escape

2007-09-17T00:07:00.000+08:00

Yeah, not a very original title. I caught this one while either waiting for or while in class. Organic Chemistry class, if I remember correctly. This is in the IC building, third floor. This is my favorite chemistry subject out of the four that we're required to take.

I guess it was while in class. Of course, my mind wandered and that's why I saw this hole just being hole-y right there. The fact that this happens right after eating lunch, right in the middle of the afternoon, with a not-so fun teacher DID NOT help one bit in my (and my friends') battle of staying awake. While our teacher was discussing alcohols and esters and how to make them...I was trying to find out something about me. And refining my drawing/doodling. Maybe that's why I took this one. Escape.

Jet-lagged V

2007-09-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

I forgot to update on this, I don't know why. Let's see if memory still serves me right.

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Hong Kong was an easy 5 hours. From what I remember, there was this really long hall where all the gates were located. I got into a little hold up when they asked me for my Dad's address in Brazil. I was ready for that. I had it in my phone. The problem was that the SIM card in my phone was my sister's and her PIN was different from mine. I locked the damn thing. My only contact back home was SIM blocked. I excused myself from the woman I was talking to and tried to find a phone card to call back home and find out what the PUK code for this thing was.

But then I realized, my phone can function without a SIM card! Thank you, Nokia for making your 6630 model SIM card independent! I got a green light about my ticket, called home (using a verrry weird dialing system. I even called a HK household. Whoever you are, sorry!) and unblocked the SIM and then tried to settle down. Three hours to go which I spent browsing the still-open bookshops (I saw a monk!) and walking around. I tried to read more of the book I had with me, a King novel. I also had the DS so I was covered in all the boredom bases.

About 30 minutes from my flight, I was already hanging out by my gate. I think the attendants asked me if the flight that was just leaving was mine. About two times. I got into my flight, ate and slept. I think I watched a movie on that 10 hour flight...as well as tried out all the in-flight games, music, documentaries and shows. I also browsed through the in-flight magazines. I woke up sometime before we landed and looked out the window. I didn't know why France was the called City of Light then, but I saw it from the air that time. It was ablaze. Well, not really. But it was really full of lights.

This airport is weird. Look it up in Google Earth if you want to. It had six mini-terminals from A to F and you have to ride a bus if you want to go somewhere else. I first went to Terminal E, as stated in my ticket. When I got there, the ticket guys told me to go to Terminal C because my flight was 10 hours from then. Terminal C had the forex, the stores and all. I can eat there, it seems. So the next few hours were spent going around the airport by bus when I was bored of waiting in Terminal C and waiting in Terminal C. I looked at a lot of people coming and going as I sat down somewhere. French people have this really cute way of saying Hello. Allo?

Terminal C was a really cold 10-hour home. I bought a bag of peanut M&M's after I had lunch. I wanted something sugary to eat while waiting. I managed to finish a third of the book out of boredom. My flight was at night, so I guess I spent a whole day in Paris' Charles de Gaulle airport. A whole day of waiting. If ever I needed a lesson in patience, I'd recall this trip.

Then another ten hour flight. See third paragraph above but subtract about 6 hours from it. I got held up again in Rio and I can't call my parents because the phone battery died, but I managed to convince the people there that yes, I'll come back home at the desired date and I'll be staying with my parents at this address. They let me go, passed the gates and I saw my parents and kid brother immediately. Hugs and more hugs.

Now I understand the feeling my father gets back then when we see him again after 11 months at sea whenever he comes back home.

Jet-lagged IV

2007-09-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

Resurrected from another blog. Heh!

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It all started after I asked for some public speaking tips from my father. Yes, the thesis defense was coming and I was (weirdly enough) nervous. I think I saved all of his tips inside a *.txt document or so, and then my father suddenly asked me if I wanted to go to Brazil for the sembreak. I think I answered "YES!" before even considering that I had to leave after the defense and that at most, I only had at least two weeks to try and enjoy the stay there. With jet-lag. So the defense went on smoothly (although that alone can merit another blog entry), and I think I already expressed my thanks to Roy in our Acknowledgements page. We tried to finish the paper the whole Friday and Saturday after that. My flight was to be on the thesis' final paper submission day, at some 5 o' clock in the afternoon. So I waited, but it turns out that my flight has been rescheduled to Monday. They told me that after I was dressed up and packed up and good to go. Rescheduled Monday, at two o' clock.

I managed to get some sleep. The following morning, we headed out to Manila to get the tickets, and then to SM to buy a backpack. We planned to check-in the large bag that I was attempting to pass off as hand-carry. We ate lunch and then we were off to the airport.

A year ago, my sister went off alone to Brazil. She was so scared on what's going to happen and I think you might just want to read her story about that (cue it up on friendster.com, if you really want it). And I told her that if I could have the chance to go on a trip that involved getting on a plane alone and getting off somewhere I didn’t know much about, I would do it. Just for the hell of it. I said to myself that the journey was part of it.

So back to the airport: they went with me part of the way. Actually, just the outside of the airport. My sisters stood there waving and doing mock-ups of teary goodbyes. I couldn’t stop laughing: from them and the trip I would be taking. I checked in my luggage, waited at least an hour for boarding. The new airport looked like it was modeled after a giant air conditioner. I boarded the PAL plane and was off. I even saw a full end-to-end rainbow mid-air. Go figure.

There's always this point in air travel that I love. After the loss of land, where you know you're fIying, there is this point when everything on the ground looks so tiny and you can see everything around, as a whole. And also the food. I just had to say that PAL’s airline food was not at all food. Or I should’ve asked for the fish.

So here’s the travel plan:

2 hours to Hong Kong
5 hours wait in Hong Kong Airport
10+ hours to Paris
16+ hours wait in CDG Airport in Paris
10+ hours to Rio

Let the fun begin.

Delusion_002 - Careless Love

2007-09-13T00:26:00.001+08:00

This is one of the oldest pictures from my old phone. I took it while walking home from Philcoa and I called it 'Careless Love', inspired from a song with the same title in one of Stephen King's books . Wizard and Glass, I think. The fourth book in his The Dark Tower saga. I think I've only explained what this really means to a few people. Also, I wish I had a better camera when I took this picture.

Tonight, I think I finally found all the pieces of my heart. It's a good thing, don't worry. But there are times when there's this stupid 'what if...?' that keeps popping from out from nowhere. Then it leads to thinking. Then wishing. Then calling myself stupid. Then being reasonable. Then sighing. Then moving forward, even if it is millimeter by millimeter. But it's still moving forward, right?

Aftermath

2007-09-03T23:28:00.000+08:00

We got a new (but old) TV today and I'm blogging instead of studying for my 3rd ES 11 Exam tomorrow. Go figure. After a lot of tweaking, said 21-inch TV is now showing GMA 7 and SBN 21 in watchable (by watchable, I mean "you won't go blind after an hour of static"-watchable) form. And since GMA 7 drains functioning brain cells, I've decided to watch SBN 21 and its music videos. Right now, Savage Garden's I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You is playing. Actually, all their songs that have music videos are playing.

A bit about the new-old TV: it's our old TV from Cavite in its 21 inch glory. This was our 2nd TV, a Sony. My father is fond of Sony TV's. The catch is that my sisters bought a new one, and we got this one instead. Hahaha!

Enough about the TV. So what has happened? Everything I didn't expect happened. I don't know if I'm happy or sad. I think that's not important right now anyway. I learned a few things about love. About friendship and friends. About stupidity and pain and bearing it all. Oh, and yeah. A new TV! Yay!

Jay's Essential Software List v1.0

2007-08-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

Stuff that I must remember in case I have to reformat again. Ha!

1. WinRAR
File extraction and file archiving needs. Tends to save some disk space. Why WinRAR over Winzip? Winrar handles .zip and .rar and more. Winzip has exclusivity issues!
2. SlawDog Smart Shutdown
Think of this as the sleep button on your PC. Just set the time you need, and your PC can standby, hibernate, turn off and tell you that your cookies are done.
3. Limewire
I use it for MP3 downloads, mainly. Just be sure to get the original version and be sure of what you're downloading. That's the ticket.
4. XP Video/Audio Codecs
Needed to watch DVD rips, .avis and other stuff.
5. Minilyrics
Handy little plug-in for your media players. Supports many players so you can sing along to your MP3 library…even if it is Air Supply!
6. FLV Player
To watch downloaded flash layer web videos. Not pr0n. Promise.
7. AVG Free 7.5
Updated daily, it's free and not too much of a memory drain. Oh, did I mention it's free?
8. Bittorrent
Bit risky, or I just have extraordinary bad luck. Simple to use torrent downloader.
9. CDisplay
Handy for viewing .cbr (Comic book scan .rars) files. You can also use this to archive your picture files and view them using this thingy without having to extract them.
10. Comodo Firewall
Well, it helps me monitor network activities. A little makulit at times, but it is worth it to block hacker attempts.
11. Free Download Manager
Coming from an age of Dial-up downloads where every second can mean your connection can be broken and thus, your downloaded reduced to zero, I find it comforting to resume a download of a big file. Sometimes, it's annoying but there's an option to press Alt before it activates.
12. iTunes
Essential for me because I have a Shuffle. Overall, a nice music player anyway.
13. MBSS Light
My father actually got this before me on his laptop. I saw it and immediately searched for it. Sometimes I can just watch this and forget about work. A very beautiful screensaver
14. Office 2007
Any Office Suite, actually. Office 2007 is just so fun to look at. Essential for schoolwork. You can also try OpenOffice, but Microsoft already had me in its grip a long time ago. Sad but true.
15. Mozilla Firefox 2
With IE7 looking more and more like Firefox, I don't really know the difference anymore. Mozilla is still better than IE or anything else because of Greasemonkey (makes certain sites be more fun) and AdBlock PRO (completely blocks anything you want it to - image, flash, gif - in any site you visit). Just my two cents.
16. Nokia PC Suite
Must have for me. It's easier to transfer stuff…at least for Nokia phones.
17. Picasa 2
Google at it again. Nice and cool photo manipulation/album thingy.
18. Adobe Photoshop 7 or CS2 or higher.
For your image editing needs. Assuming you have image editing needs.
19. Quicktime
Because Microsoft is not equal to the i.
20. Rocketdock
Fun toolbar app.Download it to see.
21. Yahoo! Messenger
IM of choice. Well, for one thing...the smileys are better to look at.
22. Various Casual Games
This is a genre of games that is plaguing (in a good way) the majority of laptops in campus. It started with TextTwist and Hangaroo. They're the type of games you can just pick up and play. Very user-friendly, very fun. Top picks? Bookworm Adventures, Mystery Case Files, Ricochet...you know?
23. Windows Image Resizer
Handy for reducing 1.3MB files to less than 100kB - without compromising quality.
24. Adobe Acrobat Reader
Mainly for compatibility reasons. You can also try Foxit pdf reader which is easier to download because it's lighter.
25. Microsoft Reader
For e-books that are in *.lit form.

Learning to use your left hand for everything

2007-08-27T10:46:00.000+08:00

I punctured my right hand last night during one of our activities and now I'm finding myself doing mundane stuff using my left hand: shampooing my hair, washing dishes, texting. It's not really a big wound, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Using the hand that I was using for at least 98% of my current life was giving me slight discomfort - exactly like a good friend who betrays you, but in a more physical sense this time. Unless he betrayed you by puncturing your right hand. You can't get any more pain than that.

This semester, I think I cried and felt sad more than the past 15 years of my life combined. The weird part of it was that at first, I really didn't know what I was being sad about. I took months, friends and alcohol (specifically beergin - an infamous mix that Shao, our bartender, concocted one birthday ago) to even get a grip on what was happening to me. I was blinded by love, fraternal and that other kind. The one that causes good songs to be written. Now I know that to love, sometimes you have to not love.

I thought I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I thought I had chosen a path. In truth, I was fighting with myself. I didn't want that path. I didn't want to do that. My friends (you know who you are) opened my eyes, showed me the way. They're helping me walk it too. I don't think I can thank them enough...so here's another one: Thank You.

For my right hand, be well. I hope you know what I did for you.

Learning to use my left hand for everything. It's weird and hard at first, but I'll eventually get used to it. I hope.

Ang Huling Tag-init ng Kabataan ni Isko

2007-08-16T15:07:00.000+08:00

Kakatapos lamang ng Marso, malamang kakatapos lamang ng graduation namin sa High School. Ginanap ito sa loob ng isang simbahan. Catholic school. May misa pa nga eh. Syempre iyakan lahat, pero hindi ako umiyak. Kahit tumugtog pa yung ‘Batch Song’ namin. Sino ba kasing pumili nun? Pagkatapos ng seremonyang ito, kumain kami ng pamilya ko sa McDo tapos umuwi na kami sa bahay. Nagbihis ako ng pambahay. Napansin ko na maganda pala ang tanaw ng kalangitan mula sa likod ng bahay namin.

Dumaan na ang ika-31 ng Marso. Kakaiba pala kapag wala ka nang pasok araw-araw. Hindi na rin kami masyadong nagkikita ng mga kaklase ko. Sa pagkakaalam ko, para kaming mga dahon na ikinalat sa kalakhan ng Maynila, sa Davao pa nga yung dalawa. Sina Janell at ang tropa nyang maingay sa Uste. Sina Ian at iba pa sa La Salle Dasma. Ang barkada kong sina Tetey at Angel, nasa Mapua. Sino nga naman ba kasing nagsabi na mag-UP ako? Wala na akong masyadong ginagawa kundi pagmasdan ang langit mula sa bakuran sa likod kung hindi ako inuutusan ng nanay ko.

Dumaan na rin ang unang dalawampu at limang araw ng Abril. Boring sa bahay, wala akong magawa. Wala kaming cable TV at ang pinakamatinong panoorin ay MTV. Wala kaming internet. Kung meron man, pagtyatyagaan ko munang paganahin yung Pentium II naming pinagtagpi-tagpi at labinlimang minuto bago magbukas sa Windows 98 Plus! Edition. Buhay nga naman. Kaya sige, tumitig ka na lang sa asul na langit. Hindi ba mukhang spaceship ang ulap na iyon?

Mayo na. Naisip ko, ako lang mag-isa sa Peyups. Ang hirap. Paano mo ba kasi sasabihin na 'hindi-ko-alam-ang-gagawin-ko', 'ako-lang-mag-isa-sa-lugar-na-hindi-ko-gamay' atsaka 'wala-akong-kakilala-at-wala-kayo-dun-para-mas-madali’ sa mga kaibigan mo? Paano mo sasabihin sa mga magulang mo na ‘inay-itay-sana-nandun-kayo-malapit-sa-kin' o kaya 'mukhang-ang-hirap-kung-ako-lang-aasikaso-sa-sarili-ko’? Tinititigan ko ang asul na langit hanggang sa maging itim ito at lumabas ang mga bituin. Nakilala ko ang konstelasyong Orion. Close na kami.

Hunyo na. Bukas ang unang araw ng klase ko. Iniwan na ako dito ng mga magulang ko, sa isang boarding house dalawang sakay papuntang campus. Wala pa yung mga magiging kasama ko sa bahay. Ang unang gabi ko, kausap ko ang ugong ng mga sasakyan na dumaraan sa kalye malapit sa min. Kausap ko ang kisame na hindi ko maintindihan kung puti na madumi o itim na may alikabok. Bago mag-hatinggabi, naramdaman ko bigla ang matinding takot at matinding saya. Walang gaanong bituin ang langit dito, masyadong maliwanag ang ilaw ng mga poste.

Pasukan na pala.

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(The short story/article I wrote for the FOPC thingy last summer. In short, it's something about me. I named real people here...they were my highschool classmates.)

Delusion_001 - Halflife

2005-09-22T01:20:00.000+08:00

One of my first photos, even if it's taken by an N3650. We were practicing for some event, and during a break I snapped this.